Kiss And Tell

Draft--I was working on Rings but nooo, I have to take a time out to deal with monkey business since it seems I woke up on the Planet of the Apes today...

A smart monkey never monkies with another monkey's monkey--Unknown

Never kiss a monkey!--Unknown

But why stop at monkeys...

Women are like elephants to me: I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
--W. C. Fields

...this quote thrown in because Elephants love Nuts...

And the subject of kissing is only a dilemma if you are a monkey...

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man...

I would prefer not to have to post on this subject (the Law) but since I woke up on the Planet of the Apes this morning, I figured that's my queue ('cue' that is) to put an end to all the monkey business...I mean who makes this stuff up and how do they get so many people to go along with it...(ooohhhh, ILLITERATI!)

زُيِّنَ لِلنَّاسِ حُبُّ الشَّهَوَاتِ مِنَ النِّسَاء وَالْبَنِينَ وَالْقَنَاطِيرِ الْمُقَنطَرَةِ مِنَ الذَّهَبِ وَالْفِضَّةِ وَالْخَيْلِ الْمُسَوَّمَةِ وَالأَنْعَامِ وَالْحَرْثِ ذَلِكَ مَتَاعُ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا وَاللّهُ عِندَهُ حُسْنُ الْمَآبِ (3:14)

3:14...the desire for women...it's a good thing and no bans on it (there are guidelines, however, as to which women are permissible for such ardor--that's a homework assignment)

وَاللاَّتِي يَأْتِينَ الْفَاحِشَةَ مِن نِّسَآئِكُمْ فَاسْتَشْهِدُواْ عَلَيْهِنَّ أَرْبَعةً مِّنكُمْ فَإِن شَهِدُواْ فَأَمْسِكُوهُنَّ فِي الْبُيُوتِ حَتَّىَ يَتَوَفَّاهُنَّ الْمَوْتُ أَوْ يَجْعَلَ اللّهُ لَهُنَّ سَبِيلاً (4:15)

...punishment for totally overboard behaviour (al-fahishat==pornography or lewdness; nowhere is a simple kiss interpreted as lewd except on the Planet of the Apes) appears to be house arrest when it comes to crimes of passion....nothing about lopping off ears or noses (which would answer the question where do noses go when people kiss?)

وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ النِّسَاء إِلاَّ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ كِتَابَ اللّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ وَأُحِلَّ لَكُم مَّا وَرَاء ذَلِكُمْ أَن تَبْتَغُواْ بِأَمْوَالِكُم مُّحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِينَ فَمَا اسْتَمْتَعْتُم بِهِ مِنْهُنَّ فَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ فَرِيضَةً وَلاَ جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا تَرَاضَيْتُم بِهِ مِن بَعْدِ الْفَرِيضَةِ إِنَّ اللّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمًا (4:24)

...if you desire women (free, unmarried) court them openly (pledging a dower) and do not make them chattel (secret lovers for nothing)...(go over homework notes prior to engaging in this activity)

سَلْ بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ كَمْ آتَيْنَاهُم مِّنْ آيَةٍ بَيِّنَةٍ وَمَن يُبَدِّلْ نِعْمَةَ اللّهِ مِن بَعْدِ مَا جَاءتْهُ فَإِنَّ اللّهَ شَدِيدُ الْعِقَابِ (2:211)

...as opposed to misdemeanors like lapses in judgment when it comes to social mores involving sex (like kissing, petting, etc.) that do not have any punishment ascribed to them other than say house arrest until you get your hormones under control; and those doling out punishment are reminded to be merciful since that's how they would want to be judged, however, harsh punishment is incurred for Changing God's Laws- is Punishable to the Fullest Extent of His Reach (just ask B'nai Israel)...

...if the stoning, lashing thing comes up it applies to cases of adultery (infidelity by a married man or a married women) and it would seem the married ones get the full punishment but you need 4 honorable sober citizens to testify that they saw the act with their own eyes (Photoshop and Video special effects do not count) before imposing any punishment and again, it is reminded to temper judgment with mercy (and consider special circumstances like one spouse forcing the other to stay in a bad marriage by some coercive means, etc.) because God is Merciful and that's how you want to be doled out your own hard won punishment; and if the infidelity is with an unmarried partner they only get half what the married participant gets (or some other merciful sentence)...and if the adulterers are so careless as not to be aware of 4 sets of sober prying eyes following them around...but there is an out, if the cheated on spouse has no witnesses that the infidelity took place and swears to God 5 times that it did, and it turns out to be false, they incur damnation on the Fifth Swear...and if the contesting spouse swears by God they are innocent 5 times and it turns out to be false, they also incur God's damnation on the 5th Swear...so ultimately, best to leave such matters in God's hands... (Personally, I would not want to test this one out and best be sure not to bear false witness Five Times in the Sight of God, so don't say you were not all warned, best to go for counseling and divorce is always the less painful out.)

did I get it right? do I get an A!

Oh, Man! I can't even keep up with the Monkey business on this here Planet...
Re; The talk show host sentenced to death for practicing sorcery in Saudi Arabia..

Predicting the future and all such is perfectly acceptable, even Moses has been documented as having practiced 'sorcery' , as did Solomon.

Unless the poor fellow caused some sort of dissension between bonded couples, what harm is there or are the Saudis given to changing God's Words and refuse to learn a lesson from B'nai Israel...
I really would rather be dealing with Rings right now...

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