Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts


Phunny Physics Take II

While Newton's laws are adequate to describe the motion of an idealized object's motion in an inertial frame they proved inadequate to characterize the motion of rigid bodies and deformable bodies, necessitating the development of more generalized laws of motion for rigid bodies by Euler based on Newton's groundwork.

If a body is represented as a continuum of discrete particles, each governed by Newton’s laws of motion, then Euler’s laws can be derived from Newton’s initial concepts.

Likewise, while Newtonian mechanics is a useful approximation for objects moving at speeds much slower than the speed light, for moving frames of reference and objects moving at faster speeds, it has been superseded by Einstien's Special Relativity; and for objects on the atomic scale Einstien's General Relativity and quantum mechanics provide the better heuristics.

This is not to say that Newton's ideas which first appeared in his Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica in 1687 (along with the Calculus) were wrong, as they served to successfully describe and predict planetary motions and the orbits of thier satellites, and provided the basis for the more accurate and comprehensive theories that were predicated on his initial concepts, but that they were nascent.

Newtonian mechanics served as the precursor to the more highly developed ideas fostered just by his having proposed them in the first place.

{He Said, "Can you write it so a kindergartner can understand it?"
I was not aware that was my audience, but here goes, "In Life You Are what You Eat, and in Death it's what You've Read."}

With this in mind and mayhaps a little tongue-in-cheek, this blog entry serves as a convenient cross-reference between more familiar verbage and concepts we come across in our common experience and what A Page In The Life tries to tease out from the Quran as Knowledge Object.

"`You know,' said Arthur, `it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die from asphyxiation in deepspace that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.'
`Why, what did she tell you?'
`I don't know, I didn't listen.'"

"`If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.'"

"`Hey this is terrific!' Zaphod said. `Someone down there is trying to kill us!'
`Terrific,' said Arthur.
`But don't you see what this means?'
`Yes. We are going to die.'
`Yes, but apart from that.'
`APART from that?'
`It means we must be on to something!'
`How soon can we get off it?'"
-- Evidence that there will be some justice in the Universe eventually.

"`She hit me on the head with the rock again.'
`I think I can confirm that that was my daughter.'
`Sweet kid.'
`You have to get to know her,' said Arthur.
`She eases up does she? '
`No,' said Arthur, `but you get a better sense of when to duck.'"

-- Ford and Arthur on Random.
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

...and from Funny Phrases
According to my best of my recollection, I don'tremember.

The more things change, the more they stay insane.

You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.

I have always been crazy, but it kept me from going insane.

Around here, to be nuts is normal, to be sane is stupid.

Imagination is the foundation of reality.

Where does it go? It doesn't matter. Flush it.

No matter where you go; you're there.

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

It's only hopeless if you walk away.

Death is the consequence of being alive.

Clever is getting out alive.

In theory, everything works.

Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from two or more.

More Familiar Concepts from Douglas Adams Quotes

Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
"He believed in a door. He must find that door. The door was the way to... to...
The Door was The Way."

Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you didn't have a good answer to."

-- The Electric Monk discovering the reason why there are so many acronyms in computing.

"He had extracted himself from the Cambridge one-way system by the usual method, which involved going round and round it faster and faster until he achieved a sort of escape velocity and flew off at 
a tangent in a random direction."
-- Quantum transport physics explained.

Could we perhaps take a snakebite detector with us to Komodo?'
`Course you can, course you can. Take as many as you like. Won't do you a blind bit of good because they're only for Australian snakes.'
`So what do we do if we get bitten by something deadly, then?'
He blinked at me as if I was stupid.
`Well what do you think you do?' he said. `You die of course. That's what deadly means.'"

-- DNA failing to spot the obvious.

"`You're proposing twenty hours on a boat...'
`A small boat,' added Mark.
`On violently heaving seas...'
`With a three-day-old dead goat.'
`I hardly know what to say.'"
-- DNA learning what fun awaits him on the way to Komodo.

"He stood up straight and looked the world squarely in the fields and hills. To add weight to his words he stuck the rabbit bone in his hair. He spread his arms out wide. `I will go mad!' he announced."
-- Arthur discovering a way of coping with life on Prehistoric Earth.

Paul Revere was a tattle-tail.



"Men are so necessarily mad, that not to be mad would amount to another form of madness." --Blaise Pascal

Since the Space Ship Building Mission is temporarily suspended until otherwise informed, and yet still feeling the pull-- out of force of habit-- to visit and update this blog, I have gone through and peppered it with relevant quotes having to do with Madness and Insanity.

Note: 'Peppering' implies having excercised some level of restraint since I could just as easily have Salted it; but given the News that Your WIFE Is A Lunatic-- not that I suffer from lunacy but have come to enjoy it very much--I thought YOU would appreciate the nexus.

BTW...Insanity in English means Madness and sounds just like the Arabic word for "My Humanity",  إنسانيتي  and if One happens to be afflicted with a lithp it may just as well be given as "inthanity" which means "My Woman"  or "Bend/Fold" or just as likely to be mistaken for,  if not listening carefully,  انفنتي  "Infinity".


Alright, All In

...and just as She suspected, He is All American! (ALL BETS ARE OFF IF HE INSISTS ON LOOKING LIKE MY EX-MOTHER-IN-LAW!)

Because the minute He finally does something that sets Her off, He says, "I'm Sorry--about that."

That being she discovers Her erstwhile 'Husband' is a Cross-Dresser!

Since the Revelation takes place in a public venue, She sucks it up (along with half a pack of cigarettes (American Spirits, organic, no added preservatives, pesticides, or accelerants--so they must be good for you) and says, "It's Okay."

And tries Her best to look on the bright side, after all, Her wardrobe had instantly doubled (if the 70's street fashion should ever take hold again in Her so-called-Lifetime), and She settles quickly on the idea that He's raiding Her panty drawer and doesn't mind it at all because He is so Clean He Squeaks.

And the cigarettes help interim with any oral fixation issues She may have that He is too busy exploring His femme side to satisfy.

{Entered 06_11_2011 I get it, 'It's just a phase He's going through'--It took a whole month to figure that one out and it's so funny--but I finally got it in a public venue so I can't crack up, or double over, or whatever the appropriate response is expected to be...}

And He finds some solace in Knowing that She takes the News so well, because She is not likely to let 'Beautiful' and 'Sexy' go to Her head since She doesn't trade in that , and where She comes from that and $2.50 gets Her a ride on the NYC MTA.

Level headed to the bitter end She was never One to confuse Love with Pain or Brave with Stupid, either.

What else Ya got? (I Heard You Say 'Not another word,' but since this is off-topic, I felt it would be permissible)

{Added Monday May 14, 2012...The Identity Crisis continues, but She has come across this type of behavior before---it all falls under the umbrella of MisUnderstanding--like when He Miss Takes for a Smile Her pained grimace (Her Old Age Talking) and what He calls that deep thoughtful introspective look on Her face for--- je ne c'est quoi--gravitas?, is simply Her trying to remember where She parked the car.}

"There is no point in driving yourself mad trying to stop yourself going mad. You might just as well give in and save your sanity for later."
--Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe


Where's The Disconnect?

It appears, "what we've got here is a failure to communicate."--spoken by the character Luke (Paul Newman)in the movie Cool Hand Luke, 1967.

The reason this well-laid plan backfired is because while all the other girls fall over themselves when they see exactly what it is I am looking at and get all trippy for a love story, my particular lexicon makes the same message they are receiving sound like a joke!

Take for example when the women sat around discussing His rather novel 'arrival' in '96 (or was it '97?)

They went gaga over it and went on about the incident like it were the hottest romance novel at the local bookclub meeting.

I got the distinct impression that He 'landed' in the backyard and about the only penetration that took place was His passing through my closed French Doors on His way out, stopping briefly to make sure I am aware of His presence and to intimate, 'Don't touch my face'. ('don't touch my face...don't look at my hands...' makes me wonder is there any part of Him not off limits to me?)

And on the way out He manages to get every appliance and electronic gadget to act up.

The Romantics at the round table discussion get all sad about it, saying things like, 'She thinks He left her...' (Well--yeah, but He finds other means of engagement, check out the expression on the Lost Bunny of the Apocalypse's face; just too precious).

Prickly City Cartoon Panel Dec. 14, 2011
The Lost Bunny of The Apocalypse's Wife Comes Forward

And more cooing from the peanut gallery, "She doesn't know Who He is?" "They don't recognize each other!"

Their hearts are in the right place, those sentimental dears, doesn't everybody get to buy into the fairytale pap ever since they r knee hi to a grasshopper?

That's why the ruse generally works, well it did in every case until now.

The failure due in large part to Miss Interpretation (that would be me, not perfect enuf to get Translated like the rest of ewes, so I have to sit here and Interpret for myself).

Take for example if our protagonist were to say something like, "Me déshabiller!"

All the love struck bunnies would swoon--seeing the perils He withstood to get to Her; or, if shallow like me, at just what a hottie He Is!

But what they understand to mean, "Undress me!" she takes to mean, "I Am This Idiot! ( me dis (a Brooklyn 'this') habeel هبيلc!")

And when she dashes off a message to apprise Him of this Revelation, (if not to Him directly, then to SomeOne she knows will forward it), He writes back, "Don't yell at Me!"
To which she blithely responds (without sending), "WHO INVENTED CAPS LOCK?!!!"
And He volleys with, "...little girls should not use so many exclamation marks!"

Which leaves her speechless and with nothing left To_Do but k-p duty and start peeling onions from Chicago vis-a-vis Calcutta_Kingston (link) in response to His final dig search phrase "you're not supposed to do that" (Dec 6, 2011) so she can get a handle on what exactly she was not supposed to do, while contemplating what page(s) He lands on when He searches "quotes about being let down" because Google Analytics takes more than 8 hours to compile that information?

How's this for a been-let-down quote, and u can quote me, "Krift hayati wa izmikt hayat ad.dunya."
Strangely enough, i still find it easy to remain upbeat, not because i am hopeful things can get better, but in knowing no matter what comes next i've lived through worse.


Mum's The Word

For those following in Real Time, you can see the difficulty I'm having in completing the posts--trying to get through such a high density of information with no Real Time or Money$ alotted for it, and yet My Mother insists on saying:

"انتشر الدينر"
"Intashr id.deen"--Says My Mom, that's Who.

But my hand is forced, even though I don't feel that's the case, but woe betide me if I supress anything that's supposed to be Said.

Like, I've been simmering this one for a few months, too:

Surah 110 An.Nasr ( النصر Victory, Help)
إِذَا جَاء نَصْرُ اللَّهِ وَالْفَتْحُ (110:1

وَرَأَيْتَ النَّاسَ يَدْخُلُونَ فِي دِينِ اللَّهِ أَفْوَاجًا (110:2

فَسَبِّحْ بِحَمْدِ رَبِّكَ وَاسْتَغْفِرْهُ إِنَّهُ كَانَ تَوَّابًا (110:3

Yeah, I Know, How hypocritical of Me!

There is no accessible help that I can see nor any Real Victory for me, either--I wake up in Pain each day (like it's been for the last...since 1997, you count the years) and yet there is still another 'flippin' day, and some say, 'Quit carping, whining, waa waa--it's nothing a warm (private) shower and a long comfortable nap can't cure,' and I say, "Well, I manage to get one or the other but not one after the other, so now what?"

When The Buddha said, "Life is Pain," I didn't think to take it literally.

Just like I didn't think the saying , "Your God is a Jealous God," was meant to be taken literally, either.
But apparently the thinking goes, 'You mean to tell Me there are Men around and they haven't figured that One out!"

{This needs to be said--about the Jealousy thing.

My social ineptitude prevented me from seeing that someOne took it so personally that I would rather sit closer to the wall socket than to sit next to Him on the sofa at Starbux a few weeks ago, and in what I thought to be an unrelated event, 'Michael' asks if we can share an outlet at the self-same Starbux a couple of days ago and, as expected, He came prepared and produced a powerstrip to allow us to share the electric socket.

I didn't think anything of it--to 'plug in' with Him; it's Michael, afterall!--not thinking that The Unnamed One (because We have never been Formally Introduced) would take exception to what has been interpreted as want-Ton$$ behaviour in some quarters, as evidenced by the November 15, 2011 Argyle Sweater cartoon panel on the right. My Bad! }
So, we may as well pull out all the stops and Hand them The Commandments with the added Subtext:

  1. Your God is a Jealous God; You shall have No Other God Before Me--unless they can figure out a Way to get there Ahead of Me or Behind Me.
  2. Thou Shalt Not Kill--That's What Your Uncle Mike is for!
  3. Thous Shalt Not Steal--That's What Your Uncle Jack is for!
  4. Thou Shalt Not Covet thy Neighbor's Wife--when your dead brother's wife will do just fine (lucky for you, Son, you have no other brother).
...and so on,--the subtext having been supressed in the original version so as not to confuse the nascent society that first got it.

Surah 2 Al-Baqara (The Cow)
(2:140)  Do you maintain that Ibrahim, and Ismael, and Isaac, and Jacob, and the Tribes were Jews, or Christians; Say, "Who Knows better you or God? And who is more lost (misdirected/wrong) that those who mute testimony (suppress witnesses) given them by God, and God is not Unaware of What you do."


I Love You, Mad-E

Hear Now, The News...When I said I Love You, I Meant Forever, but I know You had other things to do that day.

So, in all defference to Your priorities, I found ways to keep myself busy, until You stopped acting like you just fell off Your horse with that bit of unsolicited information.

But, like Chapter 86 Verse 11, everything comes back around.

If You see me trying to make a new friend, it doesn't mean that You are being supplanted.

Despite appearances to the contrary, I do prefer the sweet hitchhiker who ages 20 years in an hour and goes around town pretending to play the part of the 'loser' who still lives with His 'parents,' and acts like a curmudgeon that wants nothing to do with me when I try to 'break the ice' and word gets back to me that I'm not supposed to do things like that---to 'tell' Him what I had for breakfast (yes, I liked Kurt Vonnegut, too) that morning or 'speak' to Him in public.

Ever the one with questionable taste in Men, I gravitate toward the One (see above) who rudely puts his lug-soled hiking boots up on the coffee table making sure they are oriented right at my face, for me to get a good whiff of His recently stepping through horse country; while He plays the part of the transient, who happens to afford good leather boots and high-tech accouterement (the very definition of ___________(fill in the blank with the classified title).

And if You find me saying things here based on things You don't (can't) see, it doesn't make me delusional, it just makes you blind.
Fox Trot Cartoon Panel Appeared in the Los Angeles Sunday Times  Jan 15, 2012
Too Phunny


Inscrutable Scruples

Checkered Past Includes Having Been Seen In a Bunny Suit

...On More Than One Occasion.

Okay, Okay. If you haven't guessed it by now I'll just have to admit it.

I am the Alien.

I come from a Planet where Men know how to treat a fine Cuban cigar and Women know better than to insert ignitable objects into their body cavities.


Humorism Not Lost On Me

Too rich to believe! Someone actually surfed into this site today (25 Jan 2011) with the following search string:

"What is symmetry in a ewe called? "

By way of the state of nebraska / office of the cio isp.


You mean to tell me that I have to amp up my 'act normal, and pretend I'm clueless' routine even more than I've been doing?

Well, okay, then!

If symmetry in a Starfish is Pentamerism, then symmetry in a Ewe is 'Ewemerism' --(Ewemor me, someone else started this)...

Considering Blake's Auguries of Innocence concludes that God '...does a human form display To those who dwell in realms of day,' I can see why some may be misled into thinking that God does ever assume the guise of a mere Human, walking around like the rest of us, having the need to make an urgent pit stop along Route 66.

But, this misconception may be why so many people fail the acid test when it comes to recognizing what God Is. God Is Creator, Not The Creation.

This is quite a big step away from the Hindu concept of Maya and the Antithesis to Euhemerism, the Greco-Roman concept of Mythic Gods having evolved from 'especially gifted' humans.

While nothing can prevent God from 'presenting as human' chances are He/She/It is disinclined to ever do such a thing. A simple thought excercise illustrates why this would be the case; it would go something like me becoming a goldfish just so I can relate better to my pet Fred, who swims about contentedly in his mucky fishbowl, no matter how often I clean it.

Assuming I was All-Powerful And Could Do It, Would I Ever Want To?

More than likely, the answer is, Most Certainly Not! I can relate very well to my goldfish Fred by feeding him and maintaining his environment to at least where he can see through the mucky water once in a while, because there is no way to keep Fred from mucking about in his fishbowl since Fred has a tendency to doodle where he eats.

And for this reason, more than any other, God May Never Actually Present As Human no matter the circumstance--that's why Angels were Created before Humans, to ensure an Agency Existed by which to Relate to the Creation without Sinking So Low.

While I don't pretend to know the Mind of God, this would be the Better, and more Elegant, Sacrosanct Solution--to Delegate the Dirty Deed rather than to actually Get One's (Proverbial) Hands 'Dirty'. It would also be the More Merciful Method since if God ever has to Step In everything happens Instaneously and what fun is there if we are all Dead In An Instant?

And the flip side to this argument is that while it is in every Human's interest to evolve or aspire to have the Penultimate Qualities and Attributes of The God (Our Maker), we humans can never actually be God because it is never the case that a human can forego having had a beginning and an end. No Human can run for the Office since none of us can ever claim The Fundamental Prerequisite to Being God--Being Eternal, Without Beginning or End.

So, even if we Die = Reach the End, and are Resurrected= a Promise from The One God, it would be rather Arrogant to think, 'Well, now we are God or God in the Flesh.' Or, have any such claim to Godhood, since we can still remember having had a Mother and a Father (some Beginning) and that we had met our End!

See, Eternal means For All Time, not From Some Point Forward.

That's why Jesus was not confused about being anything other than Mariam's Son, (Peace Be Upon Them). And it is so wrong to say Jesus ever laid any claim to being God or God's 'kinsman' or 'son', since God Creates--it is the Creation that Procreates. A little introspection will show that Jesus may have been motivated by less than virtuous Humility from such self aggrandizement as proclaiming himself God In the Flesh, since why would Anyone want to take credit for Having Created This Mess?

Can you imagine Resurrecting in the midst of a community where you are taught so many wrong ideas about God, the Resurrection, Angels, Prophets, Satan, and God Knows whatever else?

It would be confusing to say the least, waking up the next morning, and you may even hear some people standing in line behind you at your local coffee shop asking each other, 'How can she rationalize this?'

I heard that, and while I felt sorry for whoever she was they were talking about, I am eternally grateful that You saw to it the only thing I would feel the need to rationalize under such circumstances would be, 'How did this restaurant get here, and what kind of Chinese restaurant doesn't have chopsticks?!'

Well, Michael? You have some explaining to do! I'm waaittiing...


Misinterpretation--An Alternate Form of Levity

All I did was to pull into the first available parking spot. What did You think I was doing?


Tongues And Tails A-Wagging

Surah 49 Al-Hujurat
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا يَسْخَرْ قَومٌ مِّن قَوْمٍ عَسَى أَن يَكُونُوا خَيْرًا مِّنْهُمْ
وَلَا نِسَاء مِّن نِّسَاء عَسَى أَن يَكُنَّ خَيْرًا مِّنْهُنَّ
وَلَا تَلْمِزُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَلَا تَنَابَزُوا بِالْأَلْقَابِ بِئْسَ الاِسْمُ الْفُسُوقُ بَعْدَ الْإِيمَانِ
وَمَن لَّمْ يَتُبْ فَأُوْلَئِكَ هُمُ الظَّالِمُونَ 49:11

49:11 O! All You Believers! No person should belittle another person, it may well be that they (the ones belittled, gossiped about, made fun of) are the better folk; and women should not belittle (gossip about, make fun of) other women, as it may well be that they (the ones being derided) are the better (women); nor mock each other or call each other (unflattering) names ...

I, too, would rather be around wagging tails than wagging tongues.

Someone is disappointed they did not get their 'virgin'; I keep telling You they got the wrong girl, but then, again, when have You ever known me to f&%$ around?

It is interesting that this injunction first addresses all those people who have attained to faith that they should not engage in backbiting and slandering, and then specifically mentions that women should not engage in such behaviour when it comes to other women. It appears that even in this day and age this is applicable since it is true that women are the more active participants in just this type of damaging behaviour.

I don't quite know the impetus for it, but one has only to read the newspages or listen to the news for the relevance of Sign 49:11 to dawn on them and to see how wicked tongues (or twittering fingers) can cause so much grief.

It has been said that while great minds talk about ideas and middling minds talk about events, small minds talk about other people. And while a call to guard against the small minds in all of us may be looked at as a call for a Utopian society, it is really nothing more than a call to maintain a Civilized society.

Overheard in a coffee shop the other day a woman was saying, "She can barely keep herself together, she is so sick! Who are these people?" There is no good way to understand the message behind a sound bite like this, even if it is taken out of context.

But let's just say the speaker had the best intentions behind what she was saying (if she didn't want it overheard she should not have had the conversation at a neighborhood coffee shop). I was thinking just what other kinds of people there might be.

There are the kind of people that do not shoot others in the head, or rape women and children because it "Sooo does not go with what I am wearing!" And they are the very same kind of people who do not disparage the elderly for thinking they have lived long enough to express an opinion in a country that has as one of its guiding principles freedom of speech (yes, poor Helen Thomas) because they are galled by our 'friends' ruthlessly dispatching 5 relief workers execution style since they figure 'Who needs friends like that!' (If a Nazi (or a mafioso) did it to a Jew (or anyone else for that matter) would any of the rest of us stand for it? And if we did, what does that make us?)

As for Helen, while many believe she has outlived her usefulness (and this may show not only a gender bias but an age bias), having her lose her job over a random outburst (the first and last one she has had in her long career) will only give this country more of what it does not need, one stilted special interest (not in the best of the rest of your interest) voice for everyone to thrum by while making all the other reporters sit up and take notice that they, too, are not at liberty to give an 'opinion' (deviate from the kowtow party line) and by extension dare to present a balanced reporting of the news because the 'anti-Semitic' name-calling gets bandied about so readily (a modern take on the French guillotine, use once and it is Off With Their Heads, not as gorey but just as effective).

I don't know about the rest of you, but it would be nice to have a domestic source of balanced news reporting without having to go to the BBC and other non-USA news outlets for less distorted news perspectives. {And no, it is not like asking the Americans to leave the US to the Native Americans, it is more akin to asking the Arizonans to get off the Hopi Reservation (Sovereign Native American Lands) because A Deal Is A Deal and no fair grabbing when no one else is looking--or watching aghast.}

If that doesn't calm down the rhetoric, maybe this will: The same agreement that brought the Jewish State Israel into existence also made for the creation of a Palestinian State (UN Resolution 181). Either it is legal in its entirety or not at all; no such thing as Partial Accord. By this, either Israel exists Legally along with Palestine or its very existence is Illegal altogether (And who am I to say such--just a pencil-neck underpaid government analyst--of the engineering persuasion; that's whose repsonsible for generating the analysis when it needs to be made absolutely crystal clear--then they hand it over to their high-paid pencil-neck attorneys to make it all perfectly vague again who then regurgitate it to the public via mass media outlets featuring political mavens or dunderheads, oftentimes one and the same to keep everyone from focusing on the real issues).

And it is quite amazing that Israel upholds (partially) this one UN Resolution to the Death, but ignores everything else the UN has ever had to say about it or any other subject since. And the view from the top is God does not favor one person due to their Ilk (or Gangsta Colors, or Emblems or whatever else makes them feel so special, like their Moms) over another since He did not make only one kind of Person any more than He made only one kind of Beetle. Judging based on all the evidence presented at every turn, it would seem the Ultimate Reality is in the Variety (Or else what? Yup, it's only yeasty farts all around!).

Are you tricked into believing that anyone here cares enough to comment? The facts are clear, you do not live by God's Laws and it is blatantly demonstrated you do not live by Man's Laws (your own) and that's why the problem was handled in a non-political yet very effective manner. We made sure your children are not going to want the same things you want--no matter how you raise them, what you teach them, whatever you tell them--and for very Selfish Reasons; We are bored with the mindnumbing news coming out of that part of the world for that past 60+ years--How's that for Creative?


The Sun, The Moon, And The Truth

"Three things cannot be long hidden; the Sun, the Moon, and the Truth."--Buddha
It seems only natural to adjoin earlier posts about Time Perception (how we experience Time on Earth) with a post or two about the Celestial Clock Mechanism. In our Solar System it is comprised of Heavenly objects like the Sun, the Moon, and the Stars and the Zodiac/Constellations. Surahs titled for such objects include 53 (Stars/Revelation), 54 (Moon), 85 (Constellations), 91 (Sun), and 86 (Piercing Star/Sirius).

The timing couldn't be better for this discourse since on Friday, November 13, 2009 NASA announced that there is definitely water on the Moon. The news came subsequent to the LCross Mission satellites impacting Cabeus crater on October 9, and the analysis of the resulting plume.

It was reported that the water is present in significant amounts at the Lunar south pole, enough to encourage serious thoughts of establishing a viable Moon Base in the future. This is not the first time the Moon had been 'split' as previous manned missions brought back Moon fragments. It can also be said that each time the Moon is impacted with a meteor or meteorite the Moon is 'split.' But it would seem that the splitting by man-made events is the more significant indicator of the approaching 'Hour' since it is less common and therefore more remarkable; and probably the reason 'splitting' the Moon is mentioned in Chapter 54 The Moon as a noteworthy event.

54 Al Qmar (The Moon)
54:1 اقْتَرَبَتِ السَّاعَةُ وَانشَقَّ الْقَمَرُ
وَإِن يَرَوْا آيَةً يُعْرِضُوا وَيَقُولُوا سِحْرٌ مُّسْتَمِرٌّ 54:2
وَكَذَّبُوا وَاتَّبَعُوا أَهْوَاءهُمْ وَكُلُّ أَمْرٍ مُّسْتَقِرٌّ 54:3

54:1 The Hour approaches and the Moon Split.
54:2 And if they see a Sign, they object and say, “An ever-recurring delusion!” –
54:3 And they deny it and follow their own whims. But every Matter is Proved (finally).

Chapter 91 The Sun, pays poetic hommage to the Star at the center of our Solar system. The Sun is commemorated in a 15 line (Sign) verse having a consistent rhyme scheme at each line's end, (the feminine 'it' form, هَا sound 'ha'). The Sun's Duality is acknowledged in the telling by the use of the homophones 'Brightness' and 'Victims'; the Sun's Brightness reminding of its light/life-giving nature and the word Victims relating to the Sun's infernal quality. The 'ha' chain rhyme not only appears at the end of each of the first 10 lines of the verse shown below but continues throughtout the entire 15 Signs (Ayat) of the Chapter (Surah). (Such that in the chain rhyme ha-ha-ha-... the 'ha' sound is repeated 15 times--Is God Laughing?).

The first 4 lines mention some of the attributes of the Sun--that it is bright, the Moon follows it, it lights the Day, the Night covers its light. The next3 lines resolve to have us consider the Force behind not only the Creation of the Sun, but the Heavens, the Earth, The Soul, and the Soul's Perfection; as well as giving due consideration for the Soul being embued with a propensity toward both Good and Evil. The next 2 Signs point out that there is an expectation or responsibility to magnify the Good in each Soul thereby leading to Success; but should the Soul be stunted by developing its propensity for the Bad it would lead to Failure.

The Sun becomes the metaphor for the Soul and its Success or Failure. For example, Success is like Sunlight, Failure claims Victims. The Moon, or that which Reflects the Sunlight, becomes the metaphor for those who follow such examples of Success or Failure. The Day, which manifests the Sun's presence, is a metaphor for the Outcome of a Soul that is developed for the Good versus the kind of Day you get with bias towards the Bad. In a similar fashion the Night, covering or veiling the Day, is a metaphor that some of the time Results or Outcomes may be secreted or hidden. But given that Night passes into Day, the inference is that all that is hidden eventually comes to Light; just as the Sun is always present whether we see it or not. This last Truth echoes 54:3 in that every matter is Proved or shows itself for what it really is in the final analysis.

91 Ash-Shams (The Sun)
91:1 وَالشَّمْسِ وَضُحَاهَا
وَالْقَمَرِ إِذَا تَلَاهَا 91:2
وَالنَّهَارِ إِذَا جَلَّاهَا 91:3
وَاللَّيْلِ إِذَا يَغْشَاهَا 91:4
وَالسَّمَاء وَمَا بَنَاهَا 91:5
وَالْأَرْضِ وَمَا طَحَاهَا 91:6
وَنَفْسٍ وَمَا سَوَّاهَا 91:7
فَأَلْهَمَهَا فُجُورَهَا وَتَقْوَاهَا 91:8
قَدْ أَفْلَحَ مَن زَكَّاهَا 91:9
وَقَدْ خَابَ مَن دَسَّاهَا 91:10

91:1 The Sun and its Brightness (Victims)
91:2 And The Moon that Follows (it)
91:3 And by the Morning that Lights (by it)
91:4 And the Night that Covers (it)
91:5 And by the Sky and Who.What.How (it is) Built
91:6 And the Earth and by Whom.How.What Expanded (stretched/spread/flattened it)
91:7 And Soul and Who Perfected it (And by the Self and the Other)
91:8 And Inspired it with Piety and Injustice
91:9 As such he who Purifies it Succeeds
91:10 And likewise he who Abases it Fails

{I'll have to come back to 85 The Constellations since it seems I can't help but take this one personally...It appears I put this off long enough so I finally got around to deciphering 85 Al-Buruj today (12.17.2009)}

The poetic plural for the word Towers and Zodiac is the same word الْبُرُوجِ 'al-buruj'. The primary meaning of the noun السَّمَاء al-sma’ is Skies, however the adjective 'sma' means ascent or Ascension. Classical interpretation of 85:1 is taken to mean the Skies and their associated Horoscopes; but here we can show that the secondary meaning ‘The Ascent or Ascension Towers’ is just as valid.

All the words in line 85:1 and their connotations taken together refer to what we now call Sky Scrapers, considering sky+ascent+soaring+tower+zodiac (since Sky Scrapers afford a viewing deck for watching the night sky and its constellations). But so as not to overlook those who are genuinely enrapt with watching the Skies, this is also referring to how the Constellations relate the Ascension

Sign 85:2 mentions ‘The Appointed Day’ which throughout the Quran is understood to mean the Day of Judgment; but breaking this down to its components, 85:2 is also specifying a date and time for an Appointment or Rendezvous (Classic Movie Buffs can probably name the Romantic Comedy where the couple finally meet at the top of the Empire State Building…)

The Witness and what is Being Witnessed or Testified to in 85:3 can be understood given any of the following meanings for the word
َشَاهِدٍ Witness: n. witness, evidence, telltale, text, attestation; v. view, sight, see; adv. ‘to the best of my belief’
And the subject of the Witness is any possible meaning of the word َمَشْهُودٍ 'Mashhood': n. scenery, perspective, point of view, prospect, panorama, outlook, spectacle, what is seen or sighted.

The same word for Kill or Killed قُتِلَ is an idiomatic expression for ‘accursed,' meaning that either something is ‘hateful’ or ‘horrible’ and thus incurring or enduring the effects of a curse. The word أَصْحَابُ 'as.haab' typically means sidekicks or companions, as well as those who employ/own/or use something. And الْأُخْدُودِ 'al-khadood' is usually taken to mean grooves, pits or gulleys; but it is also the plural of خْدُدِ 'khad.d', meaning 'Spline'.

There are many applications for a Spline, the basic thing is a slat, but in designing airplanes, boats and cars, before computers took the field, a spline was a shape made from metal, wood or rubber that helped designers draw smooth curves. In later applications it came to also mean functions or algorithms used to smooth out statistical data and graphs. In mechanics, a spline is a key that has grooves in it that fits into a chamber to make it operate. Spline keys typically have grooves in them so this feature along with the secondary meaning for spline make for the understanding 'those using splines or spline keys.'

In the historical context 85:4 is calling our attention to the Believers who were basically made to pay the ultimate price for their convictions by suffering through being thrown into a pit or gully and set on fire; Abraham himself was said to have been put through just such an ordeal.

Considering 85:4 in its entirety we may be given to understand that those carrying out these torments ‘the companions of the pits or gulleys’ are abhorrent accursed creatures or literally they are ‘killed.’ By extension it would appear those employing any spline or spline key in a manner that harms the Believers are also accursed and/or killed.

85:5-85:6 Simply state that the Fire is Fueled while they Sat or Presided over it. Meaning both while the 'companions of the pits/gulleys presided over' and were lighting fires they themselves became the Fuel for the Fire they were attending. The word قُعُودٌ ‘qa’d’ means to sit/preside/ or tend to but the root قُعُدٌ also means the basis, or fundament of a thing. The big picture seems to imply that while those persecuting others sat around setting fires to the Believers they were at the same time unwittingly making themselves fuel for the fire and incurring their own doom.

85 Al-Buruj (The Constellations/Zodiac)
85:1 By the Heavens Coupled (Fixed) with Constellations__ وَالسَّمَاء ذَاتِ الْبُرُوجِ 85:1

85:2 And the Promised Day ___________________وَالْيَوْمِ الْمَوْعُودِ 85:2
85:3 And the Witness and What Is Witnessed___________ وَشَاهِدٍ وَمَشْهُودٍ 85:3
85:4 Accursed are the Companions of the Pit___________ قُتِلَ أَصْحَابُ الْأُخْدُودِ 85:4
85:5 The Fire Kindled
___________________ ____النَّارِ ذَاتِ الْوَقُودِ 85:5
85:6 While they tended over it__________________إِذْ هُمْ عَلَيْهَا قُعُودٌ 85:6
85:7 And they stood Witness over what they did to the

Believers_______________________________85:7 وَهُمْ عَلَى مَا يَفْعَلُونَ بِالْمُؤْمِنِينَ شُهُود
85:8 And no wrong had they done but they Believed in God

The Mighty, The Praiseworthy__________________85:8 وَمَا نَقَمُوا مِنْهُمْ إِلَّا أَن يُؤْمِنُوا بِاللَّهِ الْعَزِيزِ الْحَمِيدِ

85:9 To Whom Belongs the Dominion over the Heavens and Earth

and God Is Witness Over Everything__________________85:9 الَّذِي لَهُ مُلْكُ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَاللَّهُ عَلَى كُلِّ شَيْءٍ شَهِيدٌ

Surah 53 The Stars/Revelation , its first 10 lines translated in an earlier post (Distance RA) and the following 15 lines translated here, relates two meetings between Muhammed (pbuh) and the Archangel Gabriel (pbuh) and the manner in which the Revelation of the Quran was imparted. While many interpret the word 'Najm' as 'Star', the verb for falling or descending is plural such that the subject is 'Stars'. At any rate 'Njmeh' is the singular for 'Star'. Since Signs 53:1-53:18 relate Muhammed's encounter with Gabriel on 2 particular occasions, the secondary meaning 'Revelation' is perfectly acceptable for 'Najm' as well.

53 Najm (Stars/Revelation)
وَالنَّجْمِ إِذَا هَوَى 53:1 مَا ضَلَّ صَاحِبُكُمْ وَمَا غَوَى 53:2 وَمَا يَنطِقُ عَنِ الْهَوَى 53:3
إِنْ هُوَ إِلَّا وَحْيٌ يُوحَى 53:4 عَلَّمَهُ شَدِيدُ الْقُوَى 53:5 ذُو مِرَّةٍ فَاسْتَوَى 53:6
وَ بِالْأُفُقِ الْأَعْلَى 53:7 ثُمَّ دَنَا فَتَدَلَّى53:8 فَكَانَ قَابَ قَوْسَيْنِ أَوْ أَدْنَى 53:9 فَأَوْحَى إِلَى عَبْدِهِ مَا أَوْحَى 53:10
53:12 مَا كَذَبَ الْفُؤَادُ مَا رَأَى 53:11 أَفَتُمَارُونَهُ عَلَى مَا يَرَى
وَلَقَدْ رَآهُ نَزْلَةً أُخْرَى 53:13 عِندَ سِدْرَةِ الْمُنْتَهَى 53:14
عِندَهَا جَنَّةُ الْمَأْوَى 53:15 إِذْ يَغْشَى السِّدْرَةَ مَا يَغْشَى 53:16 مَا زَاغَ الْبَصَرُ
وَمَا طَغَى 53:17 لَقَدْ رَأَى مِنْ آيَاتِ رَبِّهِ الْكُبْرَى 53:18 أَفَرَأَيْتُمُ اللَّاتَ وَالْعُزَّى 53:19
وَمَنَاةَ الثَّالِثَةَ الْأُخْرَى 53:20 أَلَكُمُ الذَّكَرُ وَلَهُ الْأُنثَى 53:21 تِلْكَ إِذًا قِسْمَةٌ ضِيزَى 53:22
إِنْ هِيَ إِلَّا أَسْمَاء سَمَّيْتُمُوهَا أَنتُمْ وَآبَاؤُكُم مَّا أَنزَلَ اللَّهُ بِهَا مِن سُلْطَانٍ إِن يَتَّبِعُونَ إِلَّا الظَّنَّ
وَمَا تَهْوَى الْأَنفُسُ وَلَقَدْ جَاءهُم مِّن رَّبِّهِمُ الْهُدَى 53:23
أَمْ لِلْإِنسَانِ مَا تَمَنَّى 53:24 فَلِلَّهِ الْآخِرَةُ وَالْأُولَى 53:25

53 Najm (Stars/Revelation)
53:11 His heart did not lie about what he saw/witnessed.
53:12 Would you dispute with him as to what he saw/witnessed?
53:13 And likewise he saw Him during another Descent,
53:14 At the farthest/terminus Lote tree.
53:15 Near/In the Promised Garden.
53:16 Where the Lote tree was veiled with that which shrouded it.
53:17 The Eyes did not waver nor did they err/stray.
53:18 Indeed he witnessed some of God's Greatest Signs.

Signs 53:1-53:10 describe one instance of Gabriel manifesting in His Stately Form in order to deliver the Message. Signs 53:11-53:12 allude to just how incredulous one would be were they to witness such an event as an Angel Presenting Himself and Sign 53:11 is an immediate assurance to us, and more so the Prophet at the time, that the Prophet's senses were not deluded by such an incredible encounter. Ayeh 53:12 posits that since no one other than the Prophet witnessed it, how can they be in any position to dispute it (see Chicken Little's quandary)?

Sign 53:13 maintains that Gabriel had Manifested in his True form (described in 53:1-53:10) on at least one other visit; demarcated at the farthest limit or boundary by the Lote tree said to be situated in Paradise proper. At one time in that part of the world it was common to use trees to mark road boundaries and the Lote tree itself may very well be one akin to any of the genus Zizyphus, however, the Lote tree 'veiled in splendor' here in the Garden is an allegorical mystical tree, similar to what is known as the Tree of Life, Tree of Knowledge, or World Tree mentioned in other Religions. (photo: Ed Ailor)
Some assume it to be a particular variety of Zizyphus (a spiny variety of trees and shrubs) that marks the limit or boundary of Human Knowledge. Limited in that even our ability to articulate or in any other way define or understand the what/who/how/why of God, is not available to us; we can only know that God Is.

The Arabic word for the Lote tree is Sidr and since it marks the limit of our Human understanding it is mentioned in 53:14 as 'Sidrat al-muntaha' or the 'Lote tree of the farthest limit/boundary' (true bearing; Start Descent RA (53, 14); T=0); it coincidentally marks the boundary into Paradise.

Due to its regional prevalence many assume the Lote tree was used in the making of Christ's 'crown of thorns', and go so far as to say that particular variety of Lote was spina-christi (common to Southeast Asia). But it is more likely that the jujube and lotus varieties were the regionally common varieties in Christ's environs, so attempting to fix the variety as spina-christi with any certainty is not unequivocal. And stating something as fact when indeed it is only a guess is one way rumors get started.

And that leads to Signs 53:19-53:23 in that, simply naming something and assigning it attributes, no matter how elaborate or widespread this information becomes, does not make it True. Pagan religions all had a Mother Goddess of one form or another to worship, including the pagan Arabs who had a Triad of Goddesses to worship. The Triad comprised Al-Lat, 'Uzza and Manat, of whom Al-Lat was the Grande Damme.

53 Najm (Stars/Revelation)53:19 Have you heard of Al-Lat and Al-'Uzza?
53:20 And the third one, Manat, the other?
53:21 For you the males and for Him the females?
53:22 That is such an unfair division! (for you that is)
53:23 They are nothing but names you invented, you and your forefathers;
_____God had not Sanctioned anything about them. They but follow a guess and their own
_____whims. And now Guidance comes to them from their Lord.
53:24 Should the Human have whatever he/she desires?
53:25 Indeed the End and the Beginning (Last and First; Present and Hereafter) belong to God.

Some trace the name 'Allah' back to the root of the name for the pagan Mother Goddess Al-Lat, saying that Islam is indeed a pagan religion because of this association. Allowing that this etymology is correct (but I doubt it), this is also the case with the very word 'God' which derives from the name Gad (pronounced Gawd) for a pagan diety.

But praying to God with the Understanding that It is the 'Ultimate Creator of All' that is being extolled does not make God a pagan God due to the pagan origin of the word. Prior to Enlightenment as to what God Is, only pagan gods had names and people were wont to worship pagan dieties. It stands to reason that many (if not all) the names we have for God derive from pagan roots but many of us would shrink at the idea that we are praying as heathens just because the Names we now have for God trace their roots back to a Time of Ignorance.

Finally, 53:24-53:25 culminate with the rhetorical question; 'Should we each have whatever it is we desire?' The Realization being that we get what we Earn, what may accrue on various Attempts at what we Do, and Finally, what God intends for us to Have. The very idea that we think we have that much say in the matter is itself an illusion, since Ultimately it All belongs to God.

Morning Musings

58 Al-Mujadila (The Plaintiff)
قَدْ سَمِعَ اللَّهُ قَوْلَ الَّتِي تُجَادِلُكَ فِي زَوْجِهَا وَتَشْتَكِي إِلَى اللَّهِ 58:1
وَاللَّهُ يَسْمَعُ تَحَاوُرَكُمَا إِنَّ اللَّهَ سَمِيعٌ بَصِيرٌ

58:1 GOD indeed heard her discourse with you about her husband, and her pleading with God.
And God Heard your dialogue: truly, God Hears, Sees (Everything).

I take it you overheard my friendly neighborhood manicurist confide in me, over a morning latte the other day, about one of her patrons venting her domestic troubles and I agree a $4 change polish should not have to include marital counseling.

And I am sure that You must have heard Everything and Anything a woman can say about her husband, but have You heard this one?

—“He swoops in to visit (on Groundhog’s Day—as if I had any choice in the
matter) and, without as much as a ‘How do?’ and nary a word, lets on that if we
ever see each other again ‘it is the end of the world’—such drama! … He knows
‘une petite mort’ will do just fine!” {Any one not in on the joke is strongly
advised to brush up on French idiomatic expressions before taking any



Ahem, Guys...

___& Not___

_____A Camel......____________ ---______A Cow.

That's why she isn't going to have to kiss anybody, or have another baby, or get married; she can laugh at the Funnies and continue to do the Crossword with impunity; she can cuss like an Old Salt if she feels like it; and yes, it didn't go unnoticed that her browser grabbed that F-bomb session without her having to click 'Publish Post'. Oh, and it does 'Save Now' by the self-same magic.

He Said: 'You know, you gained a few...'

She Said: 'Why should I care when You've already killed me umpteen different times? What can I Diet next?...I know it's not because You want to see me in a bathing suit... So it must be that You are looking for the Camel to Pass through the Needle's Eye!'

None shall Despair of God's Mercy:

Surah 7 A'raf

7:40 إِنَّ الَّذِينَ كَذَّبُواْ بِآيَاتِنَا وَاسْتَكْبَرُواْ عَنْهَا لاَ تُفَتَّحُ لَهُمْ أَبْوَابُ السَّمَاء

وَلاَ يَدْخُلُونَ الْجَنَّةَ حَتَّى يَلِجَ الْجَمَلُ فِي سَمِّ الْخِيَاطِ وَكَذَلِكَ نَجْزِي الْمُجْرِمِينَ

7:40 Truly, they who deny Our Signs and scorn them, for them the gates of Heaven will not be opened nor will they enter the Garden until the camel (large twisted rope) can pass through the needle's eye. This is how We requite the miscreants.

Note: If you must let fly with the Camel TOE jokes, then I stake a claim right here, right now to my share in helping to develop the Theory Of Everything (TOE); just to put some salve on the wound.

How It Was, What It Is

He finally catches up with her just as she goes for a GPS constellation, and needless to say, she has been on a Time Out ever since. What conventional vehicle could she possibly find acceptable after the one He jacked?

--and that's why He owes her a Godzillion-bizjillion (that's a number bigger than a google) bunch of money to get over it!
Somewhere in my spotty memory I remember making a minor contribution to the development of sensors for the AEGIS program, but then I might be dreaming or it's NURD GURU for me again.