So Much For Diplomatic Immunity!_%$@_817575

"It seems to me madness to wake up in the morning and do something other than paint, considering that one may not wake up the following morning." --Frank Auerbach


This Morning's Commute...That's Right, Dear, That's A Ka-Boom! on the passenger side of my vehicle...

There was very little traffic and the road was clear of any debris and I didn't see anyone standing around or notice anybody milling about, and no vehicles were immediately flanking me nor did I see anything flying around in my peripheral field of vision, sooo I was surprised to hear what sounded like a loud thunder clap and feel something impacted my vehicle, the impact coming from the passenger side. Since whatever it was didn't interfere with the vehicle's operation, I continued my commute to work and thought to check what it was once I arrived there, thinking it may have been somthing kicked up from the street after all and the worse case scenario is I would need to repair any dents and scratches.

At the first opportunity to inspect for damage I could see a white blast of something centered on the passenger door and feathering out all along the side, there was also some of it on the door handle. Disappointing, considering the car had just been detailed over the weekend and the paint had looked to be nearly as good as new. Taking my fingernail to check for the depth of what looked to be white scratches left in the silver paint I was again surprised to find that the residue fell away like ashes and relieved to see there was no damage whatsoever to the door underneath.
I would have not thought any more of it, other than some prankster standing around paintballing morning communters, but that it was not paint and for the fact that for some inexplicable reason I was in pain over the long weekend, like my legs were blown out from under me. A good reason to stay in and not talk to anybody, a sign that My Secret Admirer took to mean 'your silence means consent,' when they surfed into this site on November 25, 2011 with that search phrase. (With that they landed on a post that had the words 'consent' and 'your' and 'silence', none of which appeared together and the search phrase itself is not on the page 'If The Trees Were Pens...' --how funny, when I don't recall anyone having put any proposals to me for consent, refusal, or further comment.)

My Reaction to This Morning's Commute

Street Art by Uncertain Artist

The street artist eloquently captured my reaction to this entire affair (one where You stand by and watch me get f##ed without having the dubious pleasure of first getting laid); it's a little strange in a non Ha-Ha way how the image even bears my resemblance.

You wanna Know Why I don't talk to You?

It's not because I Think Who I AM, it's because I Know Who You ARE!

(and knowing where You All landed this is a pretty shoddy way to treat Your hostess, I must say)

Besides, isn't this some kind of 'Taming of the Shrew' excercise for You, or simply enjoying the Thrill of the chase?

As in 'don't speak unless first spoken to', 'obey the rules' (that are not for anybody else, just me)?

Not that I ever was so shrewish or in need of taming--I mean, here I go looking like I need a game keeper while weilding my crotchet needle in one hand and a thesaurus in the other! (btw, while everyone has a right to dress down casual in LA, can't you be a little more fashion forward about it?)

They are wondering why I don't go around planting a kiss on Jesus?

It's because we will each resort to this before we even consider incest!

You think I can't remember who I am?

I've had enuf time to think about it and enough kitchen jokes from my Great Aunt--we all call Her 'Auntie Christ' around here, before I give any of them the satisfaction of admitting they actually did this to me or that they can continue with their fu#$#T^Jed up campaign to China!

I pulled the telling symptoms from an earlier post, for propriety's sake and because someOne said to delete it. {That's why we are called 'isma3ilye', it's because when we hear voices, we know we are not crazy, and we listen  ಥ_ಥ}

But here I will say this much and You can Go Figure:

In Humans, the mucous/spongy tissue in the male's genetalia is predominately the urethra and in a generously endowed man the interior surface area approximated by a tube 7mm diameter and 25cm in length, or approx. 55 cm^2.

And let's assume the nerves are just as densely packed along the homologous tissue of the female genitalia which includes the vagina (but also the labia, urethra, clitoris, uterus and other structures that we will ignore to simplify the excercise); in a 30ish-year old woman who stands about 5'4" and weighs around 140 lbs and had delivered 2 children, the conservative estimate for the surface area is approximated by a tube with an average diameter of 4cm (average top to bottom vaginal canal only) and 16cm length (in fact there is no standard shape/size to the vaginal canal the diam range 2.5-8 cm and 15-20 cm long), roughly a surface area of about 180 cm^2.

That translate to at least 133% more pain for her than it ever could be for him (remember we sized him generously and ignored some of her other parts to make the idea--how shall we say--palatable).

And that's what a chemical burn along such tissue translates into and that's why We Don't Give A Fuck!

Especially when those in charge sat around talking about her 'malingering this' and 'hypochondriac that' while making sure everyone else got out safe and suppressed any hint of it in her creatively vetted medical record while pretending NOBODY was returning to that indoor toxic air cocktail where NOTHING is wrong. (Oh, gee, a false negative!). Worse, nearly 20 years have gone by and they have all gone on with their little lives, while she still walks around 'thinking about' this non-issue, because the residual pain refuses to believe it is no longer there having not been there in the first place (just like the stupid magic bruises that come and go).

{Gordon, if I find out that it's really you all these months sitting around without introducing yourself, yet announcing my presence, like anyone around here knows me, over the phone to someOne I don't know from Adam, I  can't tell you how disappointed I would be to find that out--Have Yourself a Happy Holiday, anyway.

This cautionary tale is not only directed at Gordon, but the kids as well; especially when they suspect they have caught sight of me and whisper things to each other like, 'I think that's Her.' or 'Is that Her?' or worse, 'Amazing, The Machine gets it right each time?' (yup, not just 'The Wife', but further dehumanization, as 'The Machine,' really, at least a machine does not expect to have a name, except maybe, 'La Machine!'

Or worse, when there is a silent consent by way of a nod or averted eyes--think! If someOne has to ask to be certain my identity, then maybe there is good reason for them not to know.}

Locke On Conscience

It's imprudent to guess at someone's name, never having met them first, but after last night's little fiasco, I'll guess-- Eric, is it?

No, it was no surprise for me to see You there last night, not that it was prearranged or anything like that, the fact is we don't even know each other, but it may be that our reputations precede us.

And, it was flattering? to see You got there way Ahead of me, and by a lucky chance I got the seat that was both right next to You and, conveniently located next to the electric outlet.

If You've surfed into any part of this Blog, You may think it a bit tongue-in-cheek, in poor taste in some places, or just plain stupid at times, but I'd been forced into an experience so beyond anything in any of the books (and I've read quite of few of them) that I had no other way to assimilate it and somehow still keep going.

That all pales compared to what I am to make of the way You stormed out of the coffee shop and that heavy sigh? that detonated from You and All Your Personality as you made your way out that door--it was a game changer--in fact, it is a game stopper.

I take it You caught me staring at Your Hands one nanosecond longer than deemed appropriate, and in that brief moment You caught me running through the analysis of what I was thinking of You as I glancingly studied your right hand; and by Your demonstrable disapproval in making such an Explosive, Grumpy Exit, I can surmise that You not only could guess at my thoughts, but that You probably could See what I was thinking; and for that, more than anything else, I am sincerely ever so very sorry...sorry...sorry--please forgive me


Oh, gee, look what the Prickly City Comic is on about the following morning .

You probably noticed when I first got up to get my tea, I left my purse, wallet, laptop, iPhone, car key all in plain view and I didn't bother to ask You or anyone nearby to keep an eye on it; in fact, my car had just had a thorough detail and had You wanted to grab the key and drive it around, it would be fine by me, even if You decided to keep it, I'd probably just keep up the payments--it's not like You hadn't driven me around before and it's not like there is anything of mine that You could need or ever want.

While I pride myself at playing pretend to avoid that 'are you off your meds!' barb, I never go so far as to actually fool myself, or get off my meds.

So, my assessment of Your Leonine Hands, and that Mane to match was accurate; and Your Seeing that I would allow myself to think to touch...that Roar out-the-door clinched it. (note to self: on 11212011 @ about 12:25 am, clintched had been changed to cliched, so i changed it back to clinched, earlier on 11202011 around 8 pm, i had changed the original clinched to clintched thinking it was misspelled)

I can't apologize enough--been heartsick about it all day, actually.

Not at all a smooth transition to the topic here, about what it means to be Conscious, or specifically the Human Conscience.

Thomas Hardy was an English poet and author, and his work included characters that were often caught in 'the overpowering, grip of fate,' or unseen, little-understood forces that control the universe. While A Page In The Life keeps focused on the clear-cut observable, quantifiable, manifestations of what we call Reality (Truth), the very fact that each post is sourced from some Scripture makes it an attempt to explain or reconcile what we call the 'supernatural' just as much as Hardy's fictional work assessed fate and other metaphysical forces' control in the universe.

I
A shaded lamp and a waving blind,
And the beat of a clock from a distant floor:
On this scene enter--winged, horned, and spined -
A longlegs, a moth, and a dumbledore;
While 'mid my page there idly stands
A sleepy fly, that rubs its hands . . .

II
Thus meet we five, in this still place,
At this point of time, at this point in space.
- My guests parade my new-penned ink,
Or bang at the lamp-glass, whirl, and sink.
"God's humblest, they!" I muse. Yet why?
They know Earth-secrets that know not I.

--from An August Midnight--by Thomas Hardy (1840-1928)

Hardy's creative muse led him to write about an imrpomptu assembly between himself and a Daddy Longlegs spider, a moth, a dumbledore (a buzzing flying insect), and a fly; that the 5 of them came to 'meet' at a certain place and point in Time and his 'guests' go about their business of tracking his ink or banging into the lampshade oblivious to his writing. Yet, Hardy infers that these humble creatures may know more about the True Reality (he calls them Earth-secrets) than even he (the Human) is aware of.

Sign 58:7 speaks about a similar Cognitive presence that surrounds us in our daily, mundane goings-on that is Aware of our every action and intention as we live our lives. Hardy's attempt to make us Mindful of just such a Wakeful Presence, One that we rarely stop to consider and for the most part are oblivious to-- either because we are taught to ignore any instinct to the contrary from childhood or are blissfully unaware of It because we were never taught this to be the case. That It just may be as commonplace and innocuous as other things that share our surroundings, like flies and spiders; but, rather than this being an inference as formulated by Hardy in An August Midnight, Sign 58:7 sets down with certitude this being the case and that There Is No Doubt About It.


Surah 58 The Disputation ( Al-Mujadalleh)

أَلَمْ تَرَ أَنَّ اللَّهَ يَعْلَمُ مَا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ
مَا يَكُونُ مِن نَّجْوَى ثَلَاثَةٍ إِلَّا هُوَ رَابِعُهُمْ وَلَا خَمْسَةٍ إِلَّا هُوَ سَادِسُهُمْ
وَلَا أَدْنَى مِن ذَلِكَ وَلَا أَكْثَرَ إِلَّا هُوَ مَعَهُمْ أَيْنَ مَا كَانُوا ثُمَّ يُنَبِّئُهُم بِمَا
عَمِلُوا يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ عَلِيمٌ (58:7

58:7 Can You Not See (Are You Not Aware) God Knows Whatsoever Is In Heaven and Whatsoever is On/In Earth; Not three may be gathered but He is the Fourth; and not five (of them meeting/gathered) without Him the Sixth (One/among of them); and no less than that or greater number, except that He is Always with them wherever they may be; such that He may notify them (wake them up to/apprise them) of what they were doing on the Day of Judgment (Resurrection); Indeed, God Is Aware/Knows Everything (Is Omniscient).

This is not to say that God actually has to manifest in a physical form in order to be Omnipresent, (chances are if and when He/She does Denial is the game play; and I'm not suggesting to eradicate all the bugs (as in insects --(the electronic ones are free to go) in order to gain some privacy), the understanding is God is Present Always (All Ways) (and makes sure you know He borrowed my car on Nov. 29, 2011, 'cuz the seats r still warm and the delayed headlights r still on--any tickets, please pay immediately or forward, no need to have to pay late fees), and that we are simply not aware of this Greater Reality--more than likely, a learned trait; like thinking before comes before now or after, or like hitting the Ignore Button, otherwise we may start to think our life is being lived like Jim Carrey's character in The Truman Show.
From personal experience, once we find that out, the general plan is to start searching for the Exit-- that door he walked through at the end of the movie at the top of the stairs that led to we-don't-quite-know where...the Control Room? --or wherever you may find the ;Producer, because you've eliminated any and all possibilities that you are in any way at the helm and have to admit that God (who is not you, because He/She/It Morphs (mutasawir/mussawir) into everyone and everything else But you) has always had control over your so-called-life (now or hereafter).

For instance, I have come to terms with the fact that in my case God is more into His Masculine Side-- how else to explain He can so readily 'sacrifice His Son'--because I certaintly would not, given the investment in global stretchmarks, an episiotomy and the sporadic hemorrhoids of having had one in the first place (all good reasons for God not wanting to Morph into me, too). {It's not that I am none the wiser, but I am fated to keep pretending, because he came home with The News when he was 14--- talk about trying really hard not be let sedition over rule my head, my heart, my other parts.}

But God has always had a profound affect in my Life; how else to account for all the equipment malfunctions whenever I am nearby: the printers that don't work, the faxes that don't go through, the phone calls that get dropped or returned as invalid numbers, the postoffice scales that lose their calibration if I stand too close to the counter, the voice messages that get forwarded 3 days later to my voicemail, the elevators in skyscrapers that suddenly need repair on the rare occassions I ever visit, the cars with new car batteries that won't start, the computers powering down after I stand in the longest line for checkout and it's finally My turn. (Oh, and synchronized watches that schitzo in-n-out of sync--at the realization of which most people demand a re-write! But, not me, I stick to my wife role and let fly the F!bombs, that way it sounds like lovemaking and quite a bit more respectable).

At any rate, if Truman is anything like me, he would avoid going there (the Control Room) unless he wanted to cave in to his rightful instinct to eradicate them for having recklesslessly ruined his life up to that point, so he probably opted for Out--just Out--or what we call the Void (Nirvana, Nothingness) because that would be better than to have to kill them and then get stuck in that Karmic Hell.

His only cross to bear for opting Out is that he would forever have to Remember how they screwed him and he would not allow himself the satisfaction to retaliate, because that would be the final admission that they 'the controllers'/'invisible forces,' were real and why grant them such a rich reward--A Life?

Ahh, Denial is a Powerful Thing--I won't kill them that screwed me because they never really existed! So, I'll just keep them there--at Nothing and Nowhere near me.

This philosophy should work, but the only sticking point is that Truman could walk away because he had no invested emotional baggage--no kids, no spouse, no pets, no family or friends to speak of.

For one such as I, not so much--I love my kids, my husband? (who can't stand me and hates my cooking even though he always has seconds and regularly throws me out of the house and makes me spend some nights in the car, and when it comes to dealing with me on any level generally tends to be the meanest cheapest Prik King is a Thai dish, you know), and would really miss my friends and parents (Dead or Alive).

That's why this Philosophy sucks!

So, I have to Resurrect in order that I may see the ones I Love while still having to abide the presence of those I hold accountable for my early painful demise and allow those same 'invisible/invincible forces' that got me into this mess to get me out. Which at this point in Time has taken an Eternity.


Yes, Michael, I am talking to You! (Because I met You and that was a Precusor to when all the trouble started. I would Ask God, but He's still in Denial, or not Talking to me, or both).

And while I still abide the presence of the dipsticks and nimrods that gloat about my malingering 'in my head' toxic exposure, they can't see me when I am literally passing within their sphere of influence--so, for me, the method seems to work, but not to perfection, because while they can't see me, I still know they are there-- and they're not even sorry, so it seems their being Ignorant is Even More Powerful than my being in Denial.

Yet, since my philosophy works on some level, but on the whole still sucks, I searched the literature for what other more prominent philosophers had to say on the related topic of Good v Evil.

The English physician John Locke, was one such philosopher and is arguably one of the most influential thinkers of the Englightenment Era, his writings having influenced other great philosophers (Voltaire) and thinkers such as those that brought about the Scottish Enlightenment and the American Revolution; his influence stretched across the years to shape later philosophers such as Rousseau, Hume, and Kant.

He postulated that the mind was a blank slate or tabula rasa. Contrary to pre-existing ideas during his time, he maintained that humans are born without innate ideas; that only experience and sense perception form our knowledge base (ideas). To that extent, Locke believed that the mind made the Man and that education made that Man’s mind up.

His philosophy articulated in his words,

"I think I may say that of all the men we meet with, nine parts of ten are what they are, good or evil, useful or not, by their education."--John Locke

Essentially, Locke's philosophy is that education is the key to whether the Man (Human) aligns with what we think or know to be Good versus what we think or know to be Evil.

While I don't find myself agreeing with Locke's idea that wee minds are a blank when we are born, I do not subscribe to the idea that wees are born sinners either, but I do believe that we have some inherent knowledge already assigned to our genetic make-up (innate), some rudimentary, some more developed, in addition to what is already programmed as instinctive.--(O, gee! Some girls get flowers, I get trees--now if You Will kindly move them from my room to the general area of the Amazon Forrest. Thanks, Dear ^ _^).

The Quran has this much to say about the state of mind of newborns:

Surah 16 An.Nahl (The Bee, Bees)

وَاللّهُ أَخْرَجَكُم مِّن بُطُونِ أُمَّهَاتِكُمْ لاَ تَعْلَمُونَ شَيْئًا
 وَجَعَلَ لَكُمُ الْسَّمْعَ وَالأَبْصَارَ وَالأَفْئِدَةَ
 لَعَلَّكُمْ تَشْكُرُونَ 16:78

16:78 And God Brings you forth from your mothers' wombs (stomachs) knowing nothing and He Gives you hearing and sight , and minds, so that you may be grateful.

So, clearly, the position is that while born with faculties to make sense of our existence, we are not born with prior knowledge, and here the understanding is we are born 'without learned knowledge'(ie, an education) which does not preclude that we are in fact born with some other innate information (since there is a reference to being born with a mind, some cognizant/aware/knowing aspect of our being already in place). The expectation is to use our other faculties and our minds to ascertain the learning we need to get to a point where we Know our Maker and Be Grateful.

Mum's The Word

For those following in Real Time, you can see the difficulty I'm having in completing the posts--trying to get through such a high density of information with no Real Time or Money$ alotted for it, and yet My Mother insists on saying:


"انتشر الدينر"
"Intashr id.deen"--Says My Mom, that's Who.


But my hand is forced, even though I don't feel that's the case, but woe betide me if I supress anything that's supposed to be Said.

Like, I've been simmering this one for a few months, too:



Surah 110 An.Nasr ( النصر Victory, Help)
إِذَا جَاء نَصْرُ اللَّهِ وَالْفَتْحُ (110:1

وَرَأَيْتَ النَّاسَ يَدْخُلُونَ فِي دِينِ اللَّهِ أَفْوَاجًا (110:2

فَسَبِّحْ بِحَمْدِ رَبِّكَ وَاسْتَغْفِرْهُ إِنَّهُ كَانَ تَوَّابًا (110:3

Yeah, I Know, How hypocritical of Me!

There is no accessible help that I can see nor any Real Victory for me, either--I wake up in Pain each day (like it's been for the last...since 1997, you count the years) and yet there is still another 'flippin' day, and some say, 'Quit carping, whining, waa waa--it's nothing a warm (private) shower and a long comfortable nap can't cure,' and I say, "Well, I manage to get one or the other but not one after the other, so now what?"

When The Buddha said, "Life is Pain," I didn't think to take it literally.

Just like I didn't think the saying , "Your God is a Jealous God," was meant to be taken literally, either.
But apparently the thinking goes, 'You mean to tell Me there are Men around and they haven't figured that One out!"


{This needs to be said--about the Jealousy thing.

My social ineptitude prevented me from seeing that someOne took it so personally that I would rather sit closer to the wall socket than to sit next to Him on the sofa at Starbux a few weeks ago, and in what I thought to be an unrelated event, 'Michael' asks if we can share an outlet at the self-same Starbux a couple of days ago and, as expected, He came prepared and produced a powerstrip to allow us to share the electric socket.

I didn't think anything of it--to 'plug in' with Him; it's Michael, afterall!--not thinking that The Unnamed One (because We have never been Formally Introduced) would take exception to what has been interpreted as want-Ton$$ behaviour in some quarters, as evidenced by the November 15, 2011 Argyle Sweater cartoon panel on the right. My Bad! }
So, we may as well pull out all the stops and Hand them The Commandments with the added Subtext:

1. Your God is a Jealous God; You shall have No Other God Before Me--unless they can figure out a Way to get there Ahead of Me or Behind Me.
2. Thou Shalt Not Kill--That's What Your Uncle Mike is for!
3. Thous Shalt Not Steal--That's What Your Uncle Jack is for!
4. Thou Shalt Not Covet thy Neighbor's Wife--when your dead brother's wife will do just fine (lucky for you, Son, you have no other brother).

...and so on,--the subtext having been supressed in the original version so as not to confuse the nascent society that first got it.

Surah 2 Al-Baqara (The Cow) وَلاَ تَلْبِسُواْ الْحَقَّ بِالْبَاطِلِ وَتَكْتُمُواْ الْحَقَّ وَأَنتُمْ تَعْلَمُونَ (2:42)

أَمْ تَقُولُونَ إِنَّ إِبْرَاهِيمَ وَإِسْمَاعِيلَ وَإِسْحَ,ـقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَالأسْبَاطَ كَانُواْ هُودًا أَوْ نَصَارَى قُلْ أَأَنتُمْ أَعْلَمُ أَمِ اللّهُ وَمَنْ أَظْلَمُ مِمَّن كَتَمَ شَهَادَةً عِندَهُ مِنَ اللّهِ وَمَا اللّهُ بِغَافِلٍ عَمَّا تَعْمَلُونَ (2:140) (2:140)  Do you maintain that Ibrahim, and Ismael, and Isaac, and Jacob, and the Tribes were Jews, or Christians; Say, "Who Knows better you or God? And who is more lost (misdirected/wrong) that those who mute testimony (suppress witnesses) given them by God, and God is not Unaware of What you do."

الَّذِينَ آتَيْنَاهُمُ الْكِتَابَ يَعْرِفُونَهُ كَمَا يَعْرِفُونَ أَبْنَاءهُمْ وَإِنَّ فَرِيقاً مِّنْهُمْ لَيَكْتُمُونَ الْحَقَّ وَهُمْ يَعْلَمُونَ (2:146)

إِنَّ الَّذِينَ يَكْتُمُونَ مَا أَنزَلْنَا مِنَ الْبَيِّنَاتِ وَالْهُدَى مِن بَعْدِ مَا بَيَّنَّاهُ لِلنَّاسِ فِي الْكِتَابِ أُولَـئِكَ يَلعَنُهُمُ اللّهُ وَيَلْعَنُهُمُ اللَّاعِنُونَ (2:159)

إِنَّ الَّذِينَ يَكْتُمُونَ مَا أَنزَلَ اللّهُ مِنَ الْكِتَابِ وَيَشْتَرُونَ بِهِ ثَمَنًا قَلِيلاً أُولَـئِكَ مَا يَأْكُلُونَ فِي بُطُونِهِمْ إِلاَّ النَّارَ وَلاَ يُكَلِّمُهُمُ اللّهُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ وَلاَ يُزَكِّيهِمْ وَلَهُمْ عَذَابٌ أَلِيمٌ (2:174)